


I'm a Dick, Adicted to You

by Rare_pair_princess



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, But I Feel The Need To Take Everything Out On You, Cheating, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Sugawara Koushi, I'm Sure You Understand, M/M, Rated M for Sexual Themes, sorry suga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:28:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27893839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rare_pair_princess/pseuds/Rare_pair_princess
Summary: Oikawa could see how he was tearing Koushi apart, piece by piece, destroying the Kou-chan that he loved.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 32
Kudos: 128





	I'm a Dick, Adicted to You

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a Blink-182 reference, please ignore :)

Oikawa stepped carefully into the apartment he shared with his boyfriend, walking as quietly as possible. He glanced at the couch as he passed it, remembering vaguely only a few months ago, when Suga would watch One Piece or Demon Slayer while grading papers and waiting for Oikawa to return. He would turn to the door the second it opened, and greet Oikawa with a kiss and a refreshing grin no matter how tiring his day teaching children had been. 

Oikawa must have made coming home so late-  _ so early in the morning- _ such a habit that somewhere between the brunette claiming he went out with friends every Thursday and claiming he had to work late a couple days a week, Sugawara had given up waiting. Oikawa wondered if Suga even had any expectations of him appearing home tonight.

He closed the door gently as he made it into their room, feeling a small pain in his heart as he looked at the sleeping beauty in front of him. He looked so angelic, hair messy spread out on the pillow like a halo, blankets kicked off of him as he curled into a ball. He looked so small and insignificant, alone on the large bed that was bought for two.

He crawled onto the mattress, making it dip under his weight, and pulled the heavy comforter over both of them. Suga made a cute, surprised noise and rolled over to face him, the sleepy excitement in his eyes making Oikawa’s heart pinch. 

The smaller of the two scooted closer with an unrestrained smile. “You should’ve told me you’d be home tonight, I would’ve waited,” He chastised, his adorably sleep-slurred scolding tone contrasting with his happy look.  _ Have I really forced him to the point where me even coming home at night makes him so surprised and happy? Have I really convinced him that I’m only working? When I come home past midnight more often than not? Does he really trust me so much?  _

He shook the questions out of his head before returning Suga’s grin. “Sorry, baby. I’ll text next time.” 

“You’d better,” The silver-haired scolded playfully, sleep still clinging to his voice and making it raspy. “You’ve been working so hard, I’m so proud of you, you know. Working so much. I miss you, but how hardworking you are is so admirable.”

Oikawa resisted his flinch. “You’d do the same thing, Kou-chan.”

Sugawara looked at him knowingly. “Maybe if I was saving for something~”

_ Oh. _

Sugawara’s eyes shone with mischievous happiness. “I’d love nothing more than to fall asleep with you every night, wake up with you every morning.You know that, right? I love you.” 

_ Oh no. _

Oikawa winced, absolutely  _ hating  _ himself. Yet again, he underestimated his beautiful, lovely, just as intelligent as himself boyfriend. Of course Suga noticed that there was no extra money, despite the constant ‘overtime’ that Oikawa was ‘working’.

_ Of course  _ Sugawara would assume that instead of the money being  _ nonexistent _ just like the overtime, Oikawa was saving that money secretly- to buy a ring and propose. It would make sense. They were going on their sixth year together in only four months. Their relationship- up until a few months ago- was amazing. 

They belonged together.

Yet again, Oikawa was reminded that eventually, his beautiful, lovely, undeserving of any pain boyfriend was going to be hurt. Hurt by Oikawa Tooru himself, the man who loves him. The man who promised to always be with him, and protect him, and only  _ sometimes  _ make fun of his thing for shrimps, and make him happy.

Because Sugawara Koushi deserved to be happy.

He did not deserve the filthy, lying, shitty excuse of a man that Oikawa was. He deserved someone loyal, and 101% dedicated, and in love with him and  _ only  _ him.

And Oikawa _was_ one of those. He was in love with Sugawara and only Sugawara. 

But he was also so, so selfish. So with his ass still a little sore from that damn Kuroo the night before, he pulled the grinning silver-haired angel closer, so that his cute button nose was snuggling against the taller’s chest.

“I love you,” Oikawa’s boyfriend told him again, sleepy bliss in his voice. He sounded so content, so painfully unaware of Oikawa’s infidelity. 

“I love you too,” He whispered, eyes prickling with salty tears, because it was true.

* * *

  
  


Oikawa doesn’t quite remember the first time that it happened. He had been drunk, completely wasted, slouched over the counter at some bar. Matsukawa and Hanamaki had dragged him out claiming that he needed some time to unwind. He had stupidly agreed- his day coaching volleyball had been stressful in the least- and found himself getting competitive with the drinks against his two friends.

_ “Fancy seeing you here, the Grand King himself.” A low, amused voice appeared to the right of him. When had Matsukawa and Hanamaki moved?  _

_ It’s been quite a while since he’d heard that nickname, and the person who sat on the stool next to him wasn’t familiar to Oikawa in the slightest. He opened his mouth to say so, but then a new song came on, and that stole his attention. _

_ His head was absolutely spinning. _

_ “This song is so great!” He found himself exclaiming. The stranger next to him chuckled, and Oikawa finally checked him out. He was tall, with ridiculous raven hair that covered up one eye. Mysterious. He was wearing a tight shirt that exposed more than impressive muscles. In other words, he would have been exactly Oikawa’s type- a few years ago. _

_ And Oikawa said so. _

_ “Well, you’re exactly my type right now,” The mysterious stranger purred. Oikawa was getting flirted with! Of course, he was very used to this- in private, Suga was very affectionate and very fond of sexual innuendos, not to mention the women that still seemed to flock to him in public- but it had been quite a long time since a man, let alone a man so… masculine, for lack of a better term, had shown any interest. _

_ The room was spinning, now. Oikawa was kind of confused. Ah, the sexy man was hitting on him. _

_ He hadn’t texted Sugawara, telling him where he was. _

_ Where did Matsukawa and Hanamaki go? _

_ This man next to him was giving him a  _ look.  _ For some reason, Oikawa was feeling a little excited from it. _

_ Sugawara. Koushi. _

_ “I have a boyfriend!” He declared loudly. His gaze traveled lower on the stranger’s body. His thighs looked strong and muscular. _

_ “Mm. Like what you’re looking at, baby?” The man asked with a sly smirk. Oikawa’s eyes shot back up to his dark eyes. They were so mysterious. So seductive. _

_ Excited. _

_ He was so, so drunk. _

_ Sugawara was probably worried, wondering where he was. _

_ Oikawa felt heat explode over his face.The blush probably didn’t make a difference, his face was probably already flushed from the ungodly amount of alcohol he’d consumed. He giggled, snorting little laughs. _

_ “What’s so funny, darling?”  _

_ Exciting. _

_ Oikawa suddenly pouted. This man was doing all the flirting. Oikawa could flirt, too! _

_ He looked at the man through his long lashes. That always got Koushi’s attention. _

_ Koushi! _

_ This was just harmless flirting, though. _

_ The man offered Oikawa another drink, paying for it. _

  
  


_ And when Oikawa had woken up, and had been to a raging headache, and in someone else’s bed. _

* * *

  
  


Oikawa woke up to a soft pressure on his neck. It went away, then appeared again, in a different spot. A quiet little smack accompanied. 

The pressure increased, the wet swipe of a tongue joining before it all vanished again. Oikawa groaned lightly, eyes opening to see his angel above him, pupils blown as he looked down at Oikawa through thick silver lashes.

“Hey,” Sugawara grinned, straddling Oikawa’s hips, hands placed on his clothed chest.

He couldn’t help but smirk back. What an amazing way to wake up. His hands found Suga’s thighs, and he bit his lip as his fingers touched soft, toned,  _ bare  _ skin. His sleepy smirk widened a bit as his quickly-awakening mind processed the button-down Suga was wearing.

It was Oikawa’s. 

“Hello,” he purred back. The sweat pants he’d worn to bed- Kuroo had been getting far too comfortable leaving marks, and Oikawa’s thighs were one of his favorite places to leave them- were starting to feel a little tighter than they had previously. 

Sugawara shifted, his ass just above Oikawa’s growing arousal, and ground down teasingly with a glint in his eyes. A low moan escaped the brunette. There was a mischievous hint of pink peeking out between Suga’s soft lips. 

There was no mistaking what Suga wanted, and Oikawa wanted it too. It had been so long- Oikawa’s coaching season was over for this year, but Suga still worked every weekday and then some. And the few times they  _ had  _ found time, Oikawa had to pretend to not notice Suga’s advances, or came up with an excuse.

Again, Kuroo had been getting increasingly comfortable with leaving marks.

...And there was no way the three on his chest from two days ago had faded already. He couldn’t even take off his shirt in front of Suga.

Oikawa grit his teeth, looking up at Suga’s slightly flushed face. It’s been almost two months, now, since the shorter has had sex. Oikawa wanted nothing more than to grab him by the hips and flip them and  _ take him.  _ He felt his cock twitch at the thought.

But he absolutely couldn’t.

He tapped his boyfriend’s smooth, toned thigh.  _ Goddamn it, Kuroo. _ “I’m, uh. I’m not really in the mood, babe,” He forced out. There was a sharp stab in his heart as he watched Suga’s eyes widen in confusion, then settle in what was uncertain insecurity. 

“O-oh.” Suga looked down at Oikawa’s obvious erection. “You’re not?”

“I-I’m just tired!” He quickly tried to amend. He knew how insecure Sugawara could get, especially about his looks. And Oikawa had been denying him in bed for quite a bit… he could only imagine what was going through his pretty little head. _ I need to end things with Kuroo.  _ “I had a long night, you know, helping my manager move and organize things… I think I have that promotion in the bag!” He internally cringed at his lie. He had been on his knees, after finishing work a bit early.  _ I need to end things with Kuroo. _

“I-I can do the work, though, love. You love it when I ride you, don’t you?” The silvernette’s tone had slipped back into a sultry purr. His thin fingers found their way to the waistband of Oikawa’s sweatpants.

And Oikawa panicked, heart beating violently against his chest at the possibility of seeing marks on the brunette’s skin that weren’t from him.

His body reacted without his permission, pushing his arms forward and shoving Suga off of him roughly. “I’m not in the mood!”

Suga gasped in surprise as he fell backwards- thankfully still on the mattress- landing in between Oikawa’s legs near his ankles. He sat up, staring at Oikawa with wide, wide eyes, shocked, hurt, lips parted in a perfect ‘o’.

He looked so hurt, and  _ embarrassed.  _ His face was on fire, Oikawa watched it bloom with embarrassed red.  _ I caused that look on his face. I did that. _

_ Why haven’t I ended things with Kuroo? _

Oikawa stared back, jaw dropping. “I-” 

“Okay!” Suga interrupted him, his still widened eyes glassy.  _ Are those tears?! _

_ I am such a piece of shit.  _

Oikawa’s boyfriend forced a big, fake grin. The grin that always used to irritate Oikawa to no end. It was so phony, something Suga used to hide behind _. _

Suga hadn’t used that grin on him in  _ years. _

“Uhm. I’m sorry. Y-you sleep, then. I’m going to- make breakfast. Mhm. Breakfast. I’m- I’m sorry.” The silvernette all but ran out of the room.

And Oikawa absolutely, completely,  _ hated  _ himself. 

He considered following his boyfriend, apologizing, pinning him to the wall and kissing him breathless. Letting him know that  _ yes,  _ Oikawa still wanted him. But Sugawara’s vision was sharp; Kuroo’s obnoxious, frustrating hickeys were dark.

  
  


* * *

  
  


11:00 am| [From: Rooster-haired Bitch]  _ Tonight? _

11:06 am| [To: Rooster-haired Bitch]  _ No _

11:06 am| [To: Rooster-haired Bitch]  _ I thought I told you no more marks _

11:06 am| [From: Rooster-haired Bitch]  _ You like it _

11:08 am| [To: Rooster-haired Bitch]  _ I like Koushi so much more _

11:09 am| [To: Rooster-haired Bitch]  _ We can’t do this anymore _

11:10 am| [From: Rooster-haired Bitch]  _ Can we talk about this in person? _

* * *

1:32 am| [From: Rooster-haired Bitch]  _ You left your jacket, babe _

* * *

  
  


Oikawa gulped, heavy dread coursing through his veins. He felt stomach acid try to claw its way up his throat, his skin buzzing with anxiety.

Sugawara was catching on.

The silvernette was in no way stupid, and Oikawa had been getting unintentionally more and more sloppy with covering his tracks. Losing his motivation to fight with Kuroo about marks; losing conviction in his tone when he confronted the raven-haired male about them. Coming home later, falling asleep at Kuroo’s place more often. 

Ignoring Koushi, out of the guilt he feels when he looks at the hazel-eyed man’s soft, innocent, beautiful, undeserving face.

He could feel this relationship slipping between his fingers.

  
  
  


So why didn’t he just  _ stop? _

_ “I can take your mind off of things” _

_ “I can fuck you like he can’t” _

_ “He’ll never know” _

_ “You feel so good” _

_ “It’s not like we love each other, it’s fine” _

_ “You’re already here” _

_ “You know you want me” _

_ “I want you” _

He didn’t know why he couldn’t just  _ end  _ things with Kuroo. He didn’t love Kuroo, he honest to god didn’t even  _ like  _ that mangy bitch. 

But everytime he tried to end things, every time he ignored him, every time the two just happened to not see each other for a few days, Oikawa couldn’t help but crave him.

He was addicted. Addicted to someone his much younger self would have fawned over- in his head, of course.

Addicted to rough touches and terrible dirty talk that he wasn't even that into.

Addicted to the man his mind told him he should probably be attracted to, like he always used to be. Before Sugawara, Oikawa never even looked twice at pretty boy types- unless they were competition.

He hated himself.

* * *

  
  
  
  


“Do you want to shower together? We don't have to do anything sexual.” Suga’s voice, so much more delicate than it used to be, appeared behind Oikawa. He was sitting on the couch, browsing Netflix, when he felt Suga’s arms wrap loosely around his neck from behind, where the silver-haired was standing behind the couch.

Suga sounded so desperate. So pathetically desperate, so tragically far from the strong confidence it used to be around Oikawa.

He hated himself. He opened his mouth to respond, to come up with yet another flimsy excuse, but was interrupted.

“It’s just- we haven’t been intimate in so long, in any sense of the word, and, a-and, I  _ miss  _ you, so so much, and just- we can take a bath, I can wash your hair like you used to love-”

Suga kept rambling; Oikawa tried hard not to let his eyebrows pinch. He refused to relish in how caring his boyfriend’s hold was, how comforting he smelled and how the scent of vanilla hugged him. He didn’t deserve it.

Oikawa never thought he would genuinely believe that he didn’t deserve something. Never thought he wouldn’t be selfish enough to just take it, anyways.

But he had tried selfish. 

He cleared his throat, making sure his voice would be care-free and light. “How about some other time, Kou-chan? I took a shower while you were at school.” He brought his hands to Suga’s wrist, gently prying them away from him. He looked up at his boyfriend, throwing in a little grin.

He was met with silence and searching eyes.

When they went to bed, that same night, Sugawara hesitated before crawling in after Oikawa. Up until fairly recently, Suga would be heartbreakingly happy when Oikawa actually stayed the night. 

“Am I not pretty anymore?”

The question shocked Oikawa. He could barely register that  _ that _ question had come out of  _ Sugawara Koushi’s  _ mouth.

“I- what?”

Suga sighed, sad and heavy. Oikawa knew that he was tearing him apart- but he couldn’t let go. He was selfish.

Oikawa felt the mattress dip as Suga climbed into bed, movement slow. The brunette remembered when Suga would  _ leap  _ onto the covers, giggling and kissing Oikawa all over his face as a goodnight.

“It’s just. You didn’t shower while I was teaching.” Suga murmured, more to himself than to Oikawa. He sounded so confused- though maybe a better word would have been  _ lost.  _

Oikawa wasn’t quite sure if his heart had leaped into his throat and tried to choke him, or dropped heavily to his stomach. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Sugawara was on the other end of the bed, knees tucked up into his chest as he faced away from Oikawa; the brunette himself also facing away, biting his lip with the blanket pulled up to his chin. It was so cold. The air was so heavy and thick and tense. Everywhere that used to be love was frozen and empty.

Suga hadn’t talked to him all day, save a few words like  _ ‘dinner’s ready’  _ and  _ ‘here you go’.  _ His mannerisms had been so cold and frail. Like he was breaking. 

_ He knows. _

They hadn’t even said good night to each other.

_ He knows. _

Oikawa hated it. He hated it enough to finally block Kuroo.

It was probably too late, though. And it’s not like it worked out the last time Oikawa blocked him.

A shaky voice full of holes spoke, just barely cutting through the suffocating tension. “Are you cheating on me?” 

It was so obvious that Suga was begging Oikawa to say  _ no.  _ The angel was grasping at straws, so desperate for anything to hold onto. Oikawa had the feeling that he could blatantly lie, and Suga would try so, so hard to believe the answer.

But they both knew the truth. Oikawa opened his mouth, hot tears burning his eyes. But his voice wouldn’t come, blocked by the giant lump- the giant fucking mountain- in his throat.

“Okay.” The holes had taken over; Koushi’s voice was a haunting kind of empty, small but the thick emotion so loud. Heartbroken. 

And it was Oikawa’s fault.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I shattered my own soul writing this.
> 
> Comment? Kudos? Maybe?


End file.
